Another week gone, another small chapter of my life closed, one year has 52 weeks
so life is made up of 52 x 80 = 4160 weeks only! and i have used up 27*52 + 5*4 =1424 weeks already so my life is left with only 2736 weeks! OMG I AM DYING!

last week on 2 evenings followed a fren when she familiarise with her dad's van after she gotten her license, note to self , 1st thing Turn on Headlight while driving at night! keke

Sat Mj session at day house... All was conned there by bbguy, all lost to him.

sat, Dog arrived at my house. very pitiful dog. scared of guys. tremble all the time when me or my dad near it. sunday She met me after work and we went shopping for doggie food and toys but Yuki still scared of me some how... this is sickening.. we brought her down for walk and she refuse to move when i am holding her leash...

sighs..
back to monday

WEDNESDAY HOLIDAY!

Time always seem to fly past in a blur when you look back.

monday

spend 1/2 the day wacking my brains to solve a problem, back in office now, suddenly i felt so down so low, so alone. it's no longer my on/off relationship with her, rather maybe a delayed '10 year old' coming of age, things i should have consider, thought about, wondered when in my teens. my lack of ability to socialise, cannot talk to strangers or just being a friendly person, i realise all through my life i have been very lucky to have wonderful friends who unconditionally accepts me into their circle of friends irregardless of all the social blunders i've made and lending me their ears for me to burn when i go down and out.

i realise that i've been very unfriendly or rather 'jian wang' i dun bother to ask my old friends out, i never once look up all those friends in poly then pull me up and trained me up ( or tried to), people who tried to nuture me and see through me. Friends in army.

My style of friendship is simple (maybe brutal on the hindside), If have current common interest = more interaction else really forget or if friend need help i would try my best , i get so caught up in which ever stage of life i am , and i walk through life feeling alone for most of the time, like a ship moving through the ocean, occasionally hailing other ships but most of the time just sailing past everyone in the dark.

i feel different from my parents, their dream, values and concept, i wonder how did i ever grow up and yet never pick up thier habits and values.

they spoil me ? dunno maybe not in the material sense, i never had any real request to them that they refused. infact i hardly asked much from them , i dun drink, smoke or club. i started working like in poly thru army for past 10-14 years and most of the time i ask them for cash to eat? transport. oh yeah, my studies recently and some 3k business investment 2 years ago, all the countless medical bills by her medisave..

I am different, i dun like to bargain, i believe in paying a fair value for what i want or else dun get it at all. my parents are good are getting every little bit for they dollars, eg getting big discount if food at resturant is undercook etc, buying a table with chairs and ask for everything else thrown in, when deliver goods are slightly different from order refused to pay, and manage use the set of furniture for 1 year before paying at 75% of original price and getting a NEW set, buying curtains and demanding extra cloth to be return when charged by length of cloth.

Maybe i just dunno how to save on pennies and waste.

now i am supposly paying them back :) but i find that at the end of the month i always end up borrowing from them, let's see.. feb pre hospital checkups + 2 hospitalisation (self paid) mar hospitalised (- 10 days pay) apr broke due to last month 1/2 pay, may GENTING highland trip (about 100,)

forecast july begining DIVING

i always wonder where my money goes.. and when i stop to think , it's FOOD! and 2nd taxi third movies (about 3-4 times monthly). gotta cut down somehow.

i feel as if i am always giving to her in terms of attention and companionship , i try always to look after her needs, but Who's going to look after mine? i dun feel like grown up, someone told me stop living in self denial, but to them thats denial, to me is to accept things that i cannot change.

i want to stay simple, see and not judge, live in serenity.

Friday flashed by in a blur, watched sherk2 and went makan at marche with her frens, was like all of us getting the laughing gas! her collegues are funny and creative!
SHerk 2 is THE movie of the year! 5 star must watch! lotsa of subtle spoof, see if u can find the legolas move!

someone asked.. is it worth it to fight over a girl? eg troy, i think in this age and time, LET THE GIRL DECIDE!

sat work up late , rushed to roxy, turn into a childcare session from 1to 6pm, a fren popped in and said hi to me :) Take care and get well soon! ok?

all alone at home now....

i attended the MS briefing on XP sp2 today , M$ is still trying to dominate the world!,
or buying the world.. it's just a money game... had OMU rice at taka , i like the egg but not the rice , the omelette is good hard outside and soft inside, took a train back to work, feel horrible like sick.. my chest acting up again , dunno why , it is not suppose to hurt, work work work till 8, took a cab back
silver cab

on the radio
Female operator :XXX to changi air p o r t 5 mins
voice 1; ok 10-15mins
voice 2; why u speak so s l o w l y
voice 3; d u n d i s t u r d
female; hello who said 10-15 min
voice 1; taxi 1234
voice 2; speak s l o w l y
voice 3; d u n d i s t u r d
voice 4: high speed hokkien !@#%!@%!%@#%
voice 5; everybody stop it, ok clam down
voice 3; dun d i s t u r d
voice 6; THis is RIDICLOUS! THIS HAPPEN IN THE AFTER NNON AND NOW AGAIN ! I AM NOT GOING TO PAY MY BOOKING FEE FOR THIS TYPE OF CRAP SERVICE! !@#%!%( high speed indian accent voice)
voice 5; everybody calm down; This is a Taxi service
voice 7; Dun play play ok! we making living not play joke over radio
voice 2; speak s l o w l y
voice 3; d u n d i s t u r d
voice 5; stop it ok ? pls stop it!
voice 4; hokkien @#$!%@#%!@#%@#%
babbles of voices ...

LOL this in a public taxi services damm funny!

Sunday
slept late, went to roxy sq late, did webbie like thingy, went to sentosa with her, i wandered around sentosa in the dark while waiting for her, then we go watch musical fountain, the show was vastly different from what i saw b4 long time ago, got fire somemore !

she stayed for the night and i was so happy!..............but i getting scared of short term happiness, think i rather lead a boring normal life then a series of ups and downs in a relationship..

i guess i reach another lvl of mindlessness if there is such a word, the ability to turn off sadness and happiness, being able to focus regardless of emotions regarding all and thus anyone else. i am turning into a mindless moron without compassion and the ultimated social buffon.

Wed
i think i am bored with my life. was at course from 9-6, had sumptous lunch at some chinese resturant, food was good, dinner BK followed by 7-9 of product training. fren sended the trainer to hotel at marina sq and i hitched a ride.

got off at marina sq, was about to make my way to my buddy's shop in parklane when suddenly a deep craving for choclate or ice cream or anything sweet took over me
i walk one round from marina mandrin to other entrance of marina sq merril lynch there..
was just wandering and following my craving, Anderson was closed.. and i remeber the gelato i had teh other day at paragon , the bon bon rocher was heavenly and that thought spurred me to look harder.. marina sq under renovation, walked all the way to the end found cinema but no icecream.. started walking back along the main road to cityhall, i saw a poster on the esplande side showing icecream and i cross into esplande to hunt.. went up 2nd floor, saw a couple on the oppisite side of the escalator eating icecream , the target is getting closer.. and i saw it.. hidding in there center beside the wide walkway, the flourscent light happily bouncing off various coloured sun.

Tiramisu + midnight cookie + extra topping of fudge in a big biscuit cone! I tell myself come tml i would work out harder and lose those icecreams(self denial), i walked towards the sea and sat on the bench and savored my icecream underneath the stars ( yes the sky was clear ebough to see acouple of stars) and listening to the waves, smelling the salt on the wind the sugar rush, i was feeling lightheaded and just gobble the icecream , i can see the cone sweating already !
i see many people absorbed in their little grps and sense the school holiday mood. i walked and walked , under the brigde to the war memorial, then across the padang and long parliment house, from there i walk towards the fire station and turned into loke yee st , come out from behind the library and took a bus home..

Sat
Troy was ok , it show a lot of skin and brad pitt seems like a fancy kungfu swordsmen in ancient times, tiring day, show ended at 3am++ after supper got home around 4am, work on some comp.. wake up at 9 meeting some freelance project and reach roxy square 2 about 12
alots of kiddies , and many parent just buy the toys to keep the kid happy or some sort of bribe to get them leave the shop,twiddle with some graphics trying to remember how to do websites


She came and look for me,we had dinner and walk along east coast sat down and chat, or more like i do the yakking,
she just nuzzling her way trying to find a burrow in my shoulders, i feel she is still unsure and naive.. or just simply bo chap .. anyway i think we are back together?

it's been a long time since we went out together, funny how it seems that we didn;t had the time to go out while staying together, but have to time now she is living 1/2 the country away from me..

was talking to a fren over the phone.. angry at her, why can't she be more patient with me , instead of 'i dun feel like explaining cos i think that u won't get my point , if u say like dat then it's like dat lor'. I AM NOT SOME 3 year old kiddie..
That is so LAME. if u too lazy to think and just want to avoid explaining cos it too troublesome then why bother to regard me as a fren at all. good bye anyway

woke up all sore and tired from the swimming yesterday... ate some waffles before going to work , i felt so bloated till lunch .. ate about 4pm.
meeting a bunch of frens from starwars galaxies, funny how it seems that most of my friends are 1) younger then me and 2) met online, singapore is so small.. In this game i met my sec schoolmate, Army campmate, Polymate, irc frens from 5 years ago....

wonder how it would go tonight

grass jelly bery nice seem to help digestion and smooth bowel movement!
Had a 3 hour meeting today, head spinning from too much info!
Went swimming after work , guess to fat now need to swim more
10 laps in 45 mins...

time seem like crawling in the morning only to speed up after lunch,
standard lunch menu for past weeks
Scissor cut rice
Granny ? grass jelly
had dinner with an old fren, started chatting about life etc etc , really gettting old liao....

Things we remember and always wonder what if ... memories are you own , how u want to remember ur life is up to urself, just shape it nicely and see everythign that passes as a learning experince, set backs and break ups does not equal to sadness, a bosom buddy lost now may resuface a few years down the road again, just a matter of how to break the ice...

Interesting topic came up in IRC , a ger asked me , how do u tell if a guy is a virgin anot?

Well if u count masturbation as a benchmark no guys after 15 is virgin, with exception of religous types.....

Genting was ok .. fun but not exciting enuff, casino is just plain boring, i took al the roller coasters and rides but i get no thrill maybe it's becos of parents.. i need to take the next step. bungee jumping then sky diving.. note to self.. never buy stuff like cuttlefish etc in malaysia they are cheaper in singapore. We stayed in Hotel Genting which is suppose to be a 5 star hotel but the toilet has algae and bedsheet got holes.
i think malaysian chinese girls takes more effort to dress up when going out.


Yesterday, we suppose to meet in tampines, so when i called her she say she watching tv, but would come down if i wanted her to, but i said no of cos and just let her be, i wander around in tampines mall looking at the changes since the days i hang out here..
I know i shouldn't go but i went anyway , reach her house with my food.. ate alone cos she had to bath so she can watch tv at 10. she keep asking me to stay for the night, i almost did.... this is not right, but i no longer have a clear sense of directions anymore. Do i love her , or just want to satisfiy my raw lust. I left maybe becos i knew it would be just like before and i would end up dissapointed and start my ride into depression all over again. It would be perfect if she is my lover but she is not...

going to genting tonight, hopefully i 'earn' enough money to stop woring for the rest of my life
Van helsing is a nice show, abit far stretched but still nice, the CG is belivable and some of the scences are so 'John Woo'! Kate seems to be doom to be starring in vampire shows..,
Next Week Troy!
been out too much lately not time to login to my starwars galaxies char at all. :( need to hurry up , they will be removing the grinding jedi quest system soon.
Tried COH the other day seems fun so cartoon like but i dun think it's going to keep my interest so most probly skipping it.
i seem to be losing interest in Fantasy style mmorpgs.. SWG has spoiled me :)

yesterday went to meet her again .. this time she was with a fren, she really goondu walk pass her he also never see, then i grab her from behind and gave her a big shock! :P i wonder when we chit chat with a fren while walking, do we actually register their faces? or just another presence not to bump into when walking.

-random thoughts-

was cycling out the other day , along esplande, i remember the times i cycled in sec with my frens on our lousy bmx to marina sq from kallang.. seems like a huge achievement then.. i remember cycling in the dark when thelights are off at 3 am, the path had a small detour and 3 of us cycled into the grass, and one of my friend dosent have brakes ....